Black Love (Can You Handle It?)

Woman with Purpose

She’s fine as hell and exudes confidence wherever she goes

A brilliant cook, excellent housewife, an easy pick over these hoes

Smart and intelligent, she’ll make a success using little to nothing

And her sex game is on point. She can leave a brother weeping over her loving

 

She is such a catch that the last thing you worry about is the fact that she’s Black

She’s a once-in-a-lifetime find, there’s nothing in a good woman that she lacks

You see her for the beautiful queen that she is and the exceptional mother she’ll become

But do you understand that loving a Black woman will require a special kind of ‘someone’?

 

If she’s a smart Black woman, do you know the uphill battle she had to fight to be educated?

While others worried about grades, did you know that Black woman fought to not be a statistic?

To not be the single mother on welfare, the drug addict or abused sex worker walking the streets?

And if you think that getting the degree was hard, she had a bigger fight getting on that corporate ladder and landing on her feet.

 

If she’s a strong Black woman, do you know how many times she’s been broken?

The heartbreaks, attacks on her physical appearance and assaults to her self-esteem that she’s taken?

Many a woman are changed into the angry, Black woman we all know too well

But if she can still love after all she’s suffered, understand that you’ve found a fighter who’s survived the gates of hell.

 

But most importantly, if she’s an enlightened Black woman who has a true sense of self

Understand that there is no space in her world for idle talk, fake looks, poisoned diets or ill-gotten wealth

Know that she will take every hit to the Black race as a personal affront to her own well-being

And that she will not accept the propaganda leveled against Blacks

Not when the blood of our ancestors runs through her veins, reminding her that she’s the descendant of Queens.

 

Understand that walking hand in hand with a Black woman not only gives you a partner fortified through struggle

You also inherit the struggles she faces daily. She needs a man just as tough, not gullible

You inherit the insults, assumptions, biases, stereotypes and misunderstandings that she faces because of her skin

You inherit the fight the race faces on a whole throughout the world or simply through her next of kin.

 

So the next time you see a Black woman

Recognize that it’s not child’s play when you step to her as a man

She needs a care giver, life partner and ‘ride or die’ lover when she takes a stand

But if that’s too much to handle,  step aside and make room for the man who can

 

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Life Lessons

Your mind is a powerful weapon

Do not take this for granted. Whatever you choose to believe about yourself, about your circumstances and about others will determine your behaviour, shape your approach to life and ultimately influence your destiny. Two people can be faced with a similar conundrum and how they respond to the situation will determine if they sink or swim. Before you tackle life’s challenges, you first have to tackle what’s in your head. You can’t expect to be happy if your mind is programmed to see the negative in everything. You cannot be incredible if you are content being average. You cannot expect to fly when you’re convinced you’ll fall and you will never be fulfilled if you believe that what you have is never enough. In fact, your mind is so powerful that it can work as a staying power when physically your body is at the brink of giving up. That’s how people manage to shed weight – they push pass muscle fatigue and considerable discomfort using purely mental staying power. In fact, that’s how people all around the world survive in often inhospitable conditions – they hone their psyche to see hope in the very bare minimum that life affords them. It is your mind that will either make or break you – not life’s problems.

 

A man that expects you to give up your dreams and ambitions is not a man you should be with.

 First of all, any sensible man will realise that a woman that has her own is an asset to both him as an individual and to the relationship. This woman will not only be able to stimulate him mentally but can also ride the tide of hardship and tough times when life decides to throw the routine curveball at an otherwise picturesque life. Therefore, the man who believes that your pursuit of certain goals and dreams is robbing him of your complete and utter attention is not only a short-sighted idiot but also a train-wreck waiting to happen. The irony of it all is that for many women who have sacrificed such a crucial part of their future for their partner, they not only turn around regretting it but the man also has a tendency to resent them for suddenly becoming a burden. Always have your own.

 

Do not be distracted by naysayers and dream-slayers

Yeah, these are the people we affectionately call ‘haters’. While you see the light at the end of the tunnel, they see the darkness and obscurity that shroud the path. Where you possess vision, they lack imagination. Where you look to be a pioneer, they look to reinvent the wheel and these haters spend a considerable amount of time and energy suppressing whatever you offer in the way of uniqueness and change. Don’t be distracted by them and don’t be deceived by them. You represent what they could’ve been and the lost dreams they could’ve realized. Do not allow their misery to make you a fellow companion. Push pass the doubts, focus on your goals and when you get knocked down, get back up even stronger. Prove them wrong and your instincts right because believe it or not, your success will prove what they already grudgingly knew – nothing is impossible.

 

Watch what he does, not what he says

Now this is in no way portraying all men to be manipulative and self-serving individuals but the ones that are can be very selfish beings. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, play on your weaknesses and emotionally strike at your Achilles heel to get what they want. A woman has to be able to see her man with a very discerning eye – the type of discernment that questions if your man truly professes to love you, why is it taking him years to marry you? If he wants to have kids, why does he immediately recommend abortion when you suspect you’re pregnant? If you are as important to him as he says, why is he hiding you from his friends and family? If you are his girlfriend, why does he only seem to find time for you at nights? Word is wind. His actions speak the truth.

 

What you accept determines how you are treated

This applies to all spectrum of life – at home, in the workplace, in the streets, in relationships etc. We judge and size each other up all the time. The way we speak, how we conduct ourselves, what we see as offensive or treat as comical all determine how people behave towards us. If you are not getting the respect that you seek, it’s because you’re not behaving like you deserve it. That doesn’t stop insults from flowing or people attempting to belittle and abuse you but it does determine what you tolerate. All of this is essentially rooted in your sense of self and what you perceive to be your self-worth. People who know what they’re about don’t settle for less and no amount of brow-beating will ever change that.

 

Love

This is a battle that you will never win. If you are too hard and unyielding then you prevent love from penetrating the innermost and particularly vulnerable parts of your soul. This deprives you of a very unique and beautiful experience in life. However, it just as quickly proves to be a double-edged sword because when it grows sour yet runs so deep, it tends to do the most damage. You cannot win because it was never meant to be a game that you beat. It is an emotion that is as flawed as the people who show it so it will never be perfect, consistent or even enough sometimes but a little goes a far way. Unfortunately, nowadays people are under the misguided notion that they deserve to be on the receiving end of love while giving little to nothing in return. You have others that even go as far as to say that some are not even deserving of affection. However, we’ve seen what ‘lack of love’ looks like – it’s the broken families, the mass murders, human trafficking, animal cruelty, mentally scarred children, misguided youths, depressed adults etc. that multiply and dominate today’s world. Love can heal and it can hurt but with no love at all, life becomes no better than death.



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I’m Not Beautiful But I’m Worth It

If by ‘beauty’ people imagine a woman with long lustrous hair, blue eyes, fair skin, a generous bosom, petite waistline, perfectly sculpted ass, beautifully toned legs and immaculate toes then, my dear friend, by those standards, I am nowhere close. I will not look to categorise the level of attractiveness that I possess because that would be an effort in futility nor will I use the pitiful line that ‘Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’. Hell, I am the beholder and you know what? I am freaking fabulous.

My hair is not long and lustrous but I understand the curl pattern, bounce and nature of it to the point that I can expertly smooth it, wrap it, braid it or let it loose in all its natural kinky glory. My eyes are not blue. In fact, the hint of brown in it is so light that it’s almost unnoticeable but talk to me long enough and you’ll see that my eyes are as animated as my movements, flashing with passion and shining with youthful vibrancy. I am not fair-skinned – I’m black. Every inch of me cloaked in this dark mahogany-tinted silky skin that is both unblemished and soft. It’s so smooth and pliable that I have neither wrinkle nor cellulite.

My bosom is not generous but it isn’t small either. It’s just right for my frame – perky, rounded and just enough to be a welcome handful for my partner. My waistline stands squarely on top of my hips, both of which are beautifully proportioned and attractively set. My ass may not be big but it can bounce sexily and rhythmically to any beat that I command it to march to and my legs and toes may not have the privilege of seeing the inside of a spa once a week but they can kick the life out of an SOB who tries to disrespect this temple.

So how am I able to describe such simple physical characteristics with such loving, confident and proud statements? That’s because I know that whether or not I’m deemed ‘beautiful’ by anybody’s standards, I am certainly worth it.

 

You want to talk about beautiful? Beautiful is a woman that can hold a deep and meaningful conversation with you, not informed by baseless opinions, but by experience and knowledge that speaks to a life that has been truly lived. Beautiful is a woman that can get her elbows dirty when the occasion calls for it, the same woman that when she chooses to be sexy, she’s not only a show-stopper, she is a trendsetter. Beautiful is a woman that is not afraid to say ‘No’ and be alone if it means not becoming the bed warmer of a man that is not fit to father her offspring. Beautiful is a woman that can do a lot with little – make a gourmet meal from meagre earnings; make dated clothes still look good; clean, cook, work, discipline and comfort with just two hands and make her man feel like a king even though he may live as a pauper. Beautiful is a woman that knows her words can be as powerful as her silence. Beautiful is a woman that is happy with her flaws, otherwise, she would be the perfect woman for every man!

Beautiful is who we are. It is a personal truth, not a societal standard. You are worth it and THAT is why you are beautiful.



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