Punching Above Your Belt

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It’s comical how people will bite off more than they can chew yet blame everything and everyone else for the fact that they are struggling to cope. The same applies to relationships where everyone is looking for someone who has their shit together while many of these same people remain blind to the fact that their shit is constantly falling apart. You don’t ask for a woman who is established, stable, smart and beautiful to settle for broken promises, little ambition, no effort and weak ass attempts at romance. You don’t expect to have a man who is honest, respectful, intelligent and forward-thinking to be happy with a woman who will always start but never finish stuff, never plan for the future and is more interested in her wardrobe than she is about any relationship. To expect much yet give little is genuinely punching above your belt. You either drop to a person’s level or make it that they rise to yours. We all operate on different mental and spiritual wavelenghts as we go through life. So I guess the key is in finding someone who is vibing on the same frequency when it comes to matters of the heart and mind.

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“I’ve Changed, Honest”

Isn’t it funny that you will speak to someone till you’re blue in the face and they still won’t hear you? However, the minute you decide to walk away, they suddenly see the light? Isn’t it incredible that we choose to have selective hearing when we think that we have nothing to lose but suddenly can see, hear and understand all when everything has been lost? Then there’s this assumption that when we’ve had some time for self-reflection and ‘so-called’ improvement, we are now on par with the other person mentally and spiritually. Only to find that they’ve improved so much more since our last stint with them and that you will be constantly fighting to keep up with their changes. Some people find it hard to believe that the time shared with others was really only meant to teach certain lessons. I find that particularly true when it comes to exes. However, never forget that the world doesn’t stop spinning on account of you suffering a break up. People DO move on so there’s no sense in trying to play catch up. For many, the past will remain just that – and that includes all the people in it.

 

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2014 – 2015: The Movies You Should Have Watched

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I have always been a fan of movies, for as long as I can remember, and once I became an adult I started to properly indulge in my most favourite hobby. With a cinema membership card in one hand and ‘all the movies you can watch’ privilege in another, I managed to come across the following fantastic films:

The Imitation Game

The name, Beneditch Cumberbatch, became almost synonymous with the hit series, Sherlock Holmes, which I never truly managed to become an avid fan of. That is not a reflection on the quality and entertainment value of the series itself but just simply because my spare time was occupied with watching other series like American Horror Story, True Blood, Being Mary Jane, Banshee, Empire etc. However, when I saw the trailer for the movie, Imitation Game, I wanted to see why there was such a big fuss about this actor. This movie was fantastic and I give special credit to Beneditch Cumberbatch and actress, Keira Knightley, who managed to transform their script into this riveting and compelling film. On the surface, the movie appears to be centred around the seemingly impossible task of breaking a highly complex and intuitive German code called Enigma. True to its name, this code was a mystery and managed to frustrate and confuse even the most brilliant minds, except one. What is compelling about the film is that the process of breaking the code serves only as a backdrop to the real focus of the movie which is the protagonist’s own personal secret – a secret he manages to cleverly (and even theatrically) hide. The blatant arrogance, lack of tact and awkwardness that Beneditch Cumberbatch masterfully portrays in the film added to the movie’s charm and pull. This is truly a film to see.

Magic Mike XXL

Now this film is the truth! I watched the first film, Magic Mike, and found it to be cute but I was immediately fascinated by Channing Tatum. Therefore, when Magic Mike XXL was released I didn’t even think twice about watching it. Now the start of the film was very modest and I was actually very disappointed by it. The reason was because the protagonist was no longer a stripper but was rather working as an entrepreneur in his own furniture business and pretty much living life like any ordinary individual. Curiously, his love interest from the previous film was also nowhere to be found. However, the latter half of the film compensated for the lacklustre start. The film started to become interesting once the protagonist’s previous male stripper colleagues decided to pay him a visit on their way to the infamous Stripper Dance Convention. A bit of the old Mike comes back to life in the scene where he is working in his garage and the song ‘Pony’ comes on the radio. This man was whining, grinding and rhythmically gyrating on that worktable that he had me in the cinema secretly saying ‘Hallelujah’ and ‘Thank you Lord’. However, THAT was just a tip of the ice berg. The scene with Jada Pinkett and the actual Stripper Convention was undoubtedly the highlight of the movie. Channing Tatum really outdid himself and had me (and all the other ladies in the cinema) melting in our seats. I actually felt sorry for the men that tagged along. Even if they attempted to do the same once they got back home, I can tell you that Channing Tatum’s moves would be a hard act to follow. Joe Manganiello, the actor that plays the role of a wolf in True Blood, is also another one to look out for. He did his role justice near the end of the movie. For me, this film has gone down in the annals of movie history as the baddest male stripper movie to date. Go ahead, see for yourself. I dear you to prove me wrong!

Crimson Peak [2015]

This movie was masterfully enacted and skilfully directed, incorporating all the elements you would find across different genres – horror, suspense, thriller, drama and romance. However, the strength of the film lies in its shock factor. In essence, a girl’s mother warns her, in a ghastly ghost silhouette, that she should stay away from Crimson Peak. Once the girl is mature, the very man that she falls in love with so happens to live in Crimson Peak (which is discovered long after the fact). However, along the way there is the shock of how the father for this woman is murdered, the shock factor surrounding the terrible condition of her lover’s (eventually husband’s) house, the shock behind the reasons why there are strange and blood-chilling ghosts that come out at nights but (even more so) the shock of the horrid secret between the husband and his sister who, from the very beginning, does a brilliant job of embracing the role of a cold and icy bitch. The abhorrent secrets and heinous acts were so mind-blowing that even long after the film, I was still rehashing the fictional events in my mind. This movie was not only gripping, it was also jaw-dropping. You have to see it for yourself to believe it. (Side note: Tom Hiddleston is absolutely gorgeous).

American Sniper

Bradley Cooper stars in this Clint Eastwood film which is not only a potential tear-jerker but also based on a true story. The tone of the movie is set by a conversation that the protagonist remembers as a child where his father spoke about sheep, wolves and shepherd dogs. The sheep was an analogy for people who were followers. Wolves referred to those people whose sole purpose was to wreak havoc and destruction while shepherd dogs were seen as protectors of the weak. The protagonist, in his role as an American sniper, inadvertently exhibits the traits of a ‘shepherd dog’ by providing protection to his troops from roof tops. This film was fantastic because it made you examine issues such as child soldiers and the disease, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), which soldiers often suffer after fighting wars. Bradley Cooper played a very convincing role in this movie and did well to pay tribute to the memory of the soldier, Chris Kyle, who is classed as America’s most lethal sniper in US military history.

Legend [2015]

First of all, let me make it clear that Tom Hardy is a work of art. This man was so sleek, handsome and fierce in this film that he had me melting in my seat. Now about the movie – this film was so crazy that it was superb. Tom Hardy had the unenviable role of playing himself twice in this film in his portrayal of the true story behind the Kray twins. These twins were the closest London ever got to having a mafia and they controlled both a lucrative business and formidable criminal network. Now the sheer fact that Tom Hardy was able to maintain the individuality and uniqueness of both characters was not only undoubtedly difficult but highly impressive. This is evident throughout the film but especially during the fight scene between the twins. The film had you cracking up with stitches the same way it had you in shock and amazement. As flawed, morally bankrupt and rough as the twins were, you couldn’t help but feel saddened by their ultimate fate in the end. I absolutely enjoyed this film and I’m pretty sure you would too.

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

I have watched Mocking Jay and I have watched the first Maze Runner and I must say that I prefer the latter. The first movie, Maze Runner, was absolutely brilliant. It was action packed, full of suspense and did well to capture all the raw human emotions that naturally arise from being held in captivity while fighting for survival. Maze Runner – The Scorch Trials, was no different. At the start I was lulled into a false sense of security that the protagonist and his friends had finally escaped this tyrannical woman that was experimenting on survivors to find a drug for a deadly disease called ‘the flare’. It soon became evident that the protagonist was right in the lion’s den but he discovers this just in time to make a narrow escape with his friends. On the outside, however, they face a whole host of other dangers such as zombies, mercenaries, cataclysmic weather and even death at the hands of the very rebellion they are seeking to join. The film also has its fair share of betrayal, death and sacrifice all thrown into the plot. It is a really good watch. Most importantly, there is a very strong possibility that there will be a third part to this movie. Therefore, don’t delay. Start catching up on the first two!

Fast and the Furious 7

If you thought that the preview showed pretty much all the good stuff in this movie, think again. I didn’t realise how intense this film was until I saw the imprints of my fingernails in the handles of my seat once I loosened my grip at the end of the film. This movie is worth its weight in gold. The film’s visual effects was flawless, the storyline – clear, the jokes – corny but cute and the emotions – real. The line up of actors was also impressive with the likes of The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris (Chris Bridges), Jason Statham and Vin Diesel. The fight scenes and the escapade in Dubai are both thrilling and mind-blowing. The ending is also extremely touching and the film director managed to do a wonderful job of completing the movie despite the death of Paul Walker. The film’s moving conclusion combined with the absolutely brilliant soundtrack ‘See You Again’ formed the perfect tribute to Paul Walker’s memory. Believe me when I say, this movie will not disappoint.



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What They Didn’t Tell You About Sex – PART 2

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It will NOT be mind-blowing every time

Let’s say that you’re in a long term, steady relationship. You have no doubts about being in love with your partner and your connection with him, on a physical and mental level, is so organic that you are as close as it gets to being a match made in heaven. Despite your ups and downs you’re in it for the long haul. These are optimal conditions for a decent sex life, right? That doesn’t mean that every day you will be hitting cloud 9 or that you will have a sustained, mind-blowing sex life throughout the relationship. Be prepared for unknowingly getting into the routine of ‘doing it’ just because it’s what lovers do. As you become more accustomed to each other, your encounters in the bedroom will often be quick, unimaginative, uncreative and just borderline – pleasant. If you have children, you’d be fortunate the number of times you can have such encounters…………… per month. It’s not the end of the world but knowing this will help you manage expectations.

Sex cannot keep a man

Now I will give props to those women that have their game on point. When it comes to being a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed, you balance both sides of the coin beautifully. You may even have your man wondering how he was so lucky to land himself a ‘refined vixen’ as yourself. However, all the reality TV shows, celebrity gossip and real life scandals are testament to the fact that your stellar bedroom performance isn’t insurance against your man cheating or completely walking away from the relationship. Why, you may ask? It’s because while making love will last from a couple minutes to maybe (if you’re lucky) a few hours, for the remainder of the day, he has to be able to live with you or, at the very least, like your company. As for those men who are just chronic philanderers, regardless of what you do, his infidelity will always be a recurrent problem because that is what he is BENT ON DOING. You cannot change a person anymore than you can predict how long your relationship will last. This brings me to my next point.

Great sex is not the secret behind why a relationship lasts

Whoever credits their relationship’s survival to great sex is severely short-sighted, completely oblivious, putting up an intriguing facade or clearly lying. First of all, even if we may strive for the ideal of great sex always, this is clearly unattainable because we have other life issues to contend with. Furthermore, if you are lucky to do the impossible, great sex is still NOT so powerful an incentive that a cheater will be made faithful and a relationship – made whole. Great sex is not the source of happiness but it is likely to be the by-product of it. It is not love but a form of expressing it. When you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold the fort when you’re at your weakest, your strong tower and shield isn’t found between the sheets. A role model for your kids is not situated in the appendage swinging between your man’s legs. Your bills are not paid through your man’s impressive pelvis actions. Your household duties are not done with the help of bedroom antics and the foundations upon which a strong relationship is built does not rest in your earnest moans, groans and sexual rendezvous. Like everything else in this life, really solid relationships take hard work. Why do you think they say you should choose your partner wisely? If the animals do a decent job of choosing more resilient mates through just pure instincts, why can’t we do an even better job at the same task when we were born with both that and common sense?

Your partner is not responsible for your enjoyment of sex

You need to take personal responsibility for how much you enjoy sex. There is no unwritten rule to say that your partner, fling, one night stand etc. is required to make you happy while having sex. Moreover, no man is naturally gifted with the power to stroke you to the point of madness or make you quiver beyond control or have you ride on waves of unending orgasms. Even the person you love will have to learn how to make your body respond in kind. You are giving up a very precious gift during sex and that’s your body. If you are offering such an invaluable treasure, the least you can do is have sex on your terms and make it worth your while. Now with this in mind, you can’t just demand to be loved right because your partner is not Burger King where you can ‘Have it your way’. No, you need to have a bit of finesse about the whole affair but most importantly, you need to understand your body and know what you want. If he’s an attentive and understanding partner then that makes your job ten times easier. If he’s a bull in heat who has no regards for anyone except his own personal desire to be sexually satiated, you have no business with someone like that in bed nor in your life. Broaching the subject and giving cues in bed is not as embarrassing as personally not even having a clue as to what you find sexually satisfying. You will not learn that from the melodramatic actors in porn or hushed whispers from housewives or brash stories from friends. That requires a journey of self-discovery. Take the time to learn from yourself. Once you’ve learnt this much, put your knowledge to good use. I presume that you at least have a couple of years before arthritis, bad eyesight, high blood pressure and heart disease kicks in. Make good use of your time while you’re still pliable and limber.

This concludes Part 2 of this article. Hope it was a good read. Again, please like, comment and subscribe!

Special shout out to Sal, Pratyushbat and Spiritsunshine who took the time to subscribe to my blog. I appreciate it 😉



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What They Didn’t Tell You About Sex

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The Love Novels, Books and Literature LIED

Yep. All those love stories about being swept off your feet by a dashing stallion that had long flowing hair, rugged features, a lean and toned figure, strong and powerful arms, firm and unflinching convictions and verifiable prowess in bed was really a stretch of the imagination compared to reality. In life, what we really contend with are men that are sometimes unkempt; unshaven and bedraggled appearances rather than rugged features; really fat or really skinny body types and even men with low self esteem which, unfortunately, affects their bedroom performance. Add to the fact that an increasing segment of the population is now embracing homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality etc., our pool of men shrinks by the very second. Therefore, we are not necessarily led to sex by an attraction so fierce that our clothes magically becomes undone or a love so profound that we are swept away in a tide of blissful romance and copulation. No, sometimes it’s just because it is a welcome distraction.

Your first time is not promised to be spectacular

Those of you who are entertaining the idea of joining the ranks of ‘devirgined’ women based on the very biased and often, overrated, views of friends or the deception of porn or your overactive imagination – please, don’t expect much. As a matter of fact, the number of people who enjoyed their first time are rather small in comparison to the majority (a number that grows even smaller if you ignore those that were under the influence of some drug or stimulant at the time). At the very worst your partner, in his inexperience, will fumble with everything, poke the wrong orifice, get over-excited and finish before your clothing even hits the floor. At the other side of the spectrum, your partner may be so experienced that he will have your bedroom turned into an acrobatic or gymnastic arena. Imagine having to try every position and style conceivable as seen in porn and demonstrated through kama sutra, tantric sex, sadomasochism, dominatrix etc. This experience is just as bad since the whole ordeal will be just that – an ordeal.

You may avoid catching STIs/STDs but you can’t avoid catching feelings

Now this is the one that no one cares to elaborate or tell you about. Whilst you’ve done a fantastic job to ensure that you are protected from catching some incurable disease or embarrassing STI, no one tells you that there is nothing on the market to protect you from catching feelings. No one talks about pining after your love interest after the sexual encounter or waiting impatiently at the phone for a message or you perceiving every female in his vicinity as a personal competition or threat to your ‘supposed’ relationship or the misunderstandings attached to whether or not the sex is an automatic confirmation that you’re IN a relationship. No one prepares you for IF you discover that you are the side chick or for when he ignores you or for when he maligns your name in social media or for when he simply disappears. While you have a 99.9% guarantee of being physically protected from any unwanted virus when you use protection, you leave your heart and emotions exposed 100%. So how much peace of mind do you really have when you sleep with someone?

If you want part 2 to this article, please like, comment and subscribe. You won’t be disappointed!



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