It’s comical how people will bite off more than they can chew yet blame everything and everyone else for the fact that they are struggling to cope. The same applies to relationships where everyone is looking for someone who has their shit together while many of these same people remain blind to the fact that their shit is constantly falling apart. You don’t ask for a woman who is established, stable, smart and beautiful to settle for broken promises, little ambition, no effort and weak ass attempts at romance. You don’t expect to have a man who is honest, respectful, intelligent and forward-thinking to be happy with a woman who will always start but never finish stuff, never plan for the future and is more interested in her wardrobe than she is about any relationship. To expect much yet give little is genuinely punching above your belt. You either drop to a person’s level or make it that they rise to yours. We all operate on different mental and spiritual wavelenghts as we go through life. So I guess the key is in finding someone who is vibing on the same frequency when it comes to matters of the heart and mind.
Before we were introduced to the world of relationships, friendships, situationships etc., all we knew was ourselves. As a child, there was such a wonderful fascination with the world around us that we were content with projecting our imagination on objects that appealed to our sensory needs. Our sense of touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste were slowly awakened as we delved into a world of novelty and mystery. Since that time, we’ve relished having these experiences alone, never once feeling obligated to explain to the world our reason for being happy yet single and never once fearing the idea of making new discoveries all by ourselves. As we’ve grown, our need for companionship has likewise increased but sometimes at the expense of neglecting our very first and most abiding friend – ourselves. Regardless of what people choose to believe, that friend never leaves us. Those nights when we are left to our own thoughts, those times that we are racked with uncertainty and misgivings, those secret moments when we cry ourselves to sleep, no one else witnesses this except your nearest and dearest – you. We came into this world alone and we shall leave this world alone. Make it so that you leave this life with your bestfriend and not a stranger.
You know those couples all too well. They play the part in portraying a lovely picture of being two peas in a pod, inseparable and so deeply in-tuned with each other. However, once the onlookers are gone and the show is over, they barely even utter a word to each other in private. Another scenario is where you will find one out of the two trying desperately to give the impression of a ‘happy union’ to their ‘audience’ while the other partner is either nowhere to be found or vaguely interested in even being present.
Even further still, you will have the person looking stunning and fresh before the relationship. Yet after a month or two, they appear gaunt, worried and insecure. It’s bad enough when we deceive each other but there is something about deceiving yourself which makes the situation all the more dire. To actively participate in suppressing your own instincts, quieting your inner voice and going against your intuition speaks not only to self-sabotage but also to condemning yourself to perpetual unhappiness in the name of pretense and make-believe. Being in love shouldn’t look like serving time. If it does, time to have a closer look at who the jailer is.
Isn’t it funny? You will have someone demand from you the very thing that they themselves don’t even care to give. You may even be held to rigorous, unyielding demands and expectations that those very same people will relax or forget when it comes to themselves. It’s even more comical when you see this happening in relationships. How many have seen a partner demand commitment yet excercise little self-discipline when it comes to faithfulness? How many complain about lack of affection but conveniently turn a blind eye to the fact that they give equally little to no attention? How many insist on respect but consistently fail to give it? Yet we wonder why relationships are not what they used to be………
It’s easy to fall in love with the good that people exhibit but if you’re going to enter into a life long union with someone, it’s important that you understand whether or not you can live with the bad. One of the reasons why we often fail to do this is because we place a lot of emphasis on the outward rather than the inward. For instance, I’d rather teach a man how to cook than have to teach him how to be a gentleman. I’d rather have a problem with him leaving the toilet seat up than have a problem with him not knowing how to support me at my lowest. I’d rather fuss about his fashion sense than have to fuss at him for not knowing how to be a good father to my kids. However, most importantly, we have to appreciate that difficulties, upsets and hard times serve a purpose. They are the tests and trials that separates the friends from the foes, the hypocrite from the genuine, the lies from the truth. Better to spend your time knowing someone than waste your time trying to get rid of them.
Isn’t it funny that you will speak to someone till you’re blue in the face and they still won’t hear you? However, the minute you decide to walk away, they suddenly see the light? Isn’t it incredible that we choose to have selective hearing when we think that we have nothing to lose but suddenly can see, hear and understand all when everything has been lost? Then there’s this assumption that when we’ve had some time for self-reflection and ‘so-called’ improvement, we are now on par with the other person mentally and spiritually. Only to find that they’ve improved so much more since our last stint with them and that you will be constantly fighting to keep up with their changes. Some people find it hard to believe that the time shared with others was really only meant to teach certain lessons. I find that particularly true when it comes to exes. However, never forget that the world doesn’t stop spinning on account of you suffering a break up. People DO move on so there’s no sense in trying to play catch up. For many, the past will remain just that – and that includes all the people in it.