Relationship Chronicles: Sidechick’s Response

You have a goddamn nerve writing me this letter

Had you invested this much effort in your marriage

Then maybe your relationship would have been better

 

I didn’t benefit from your problems

In fact, I didn’t even know you existed

Your husband neglected to mention his house help

When he courted me as a single man and was quite persistent

 

It’s interesting you mention me being his wife

Until I read your letter it never really crossed my mind

But now that I’ve become so important to his life

B*&tch, prepare to be kicked out on your behind

 

You call my time with your husband 5 seconds of fame?

Sweetie, your husband has been pursuing me for five years

You both share several years of history, you claim

Of which you barely managed to keep him happy in the first year

 

I was sympathetic to your plight when I discovered he was married

And I was angry to have discovered that I had become a side-chick

But by now you would have seen my picture, which in his wallet he carried

To know that I’m good-looking enough to keep a man without having to ride his dick

 

You make me relevant? Heifer I’m the reason you’re not homeless

The only reason he goes back to you is when he thinks his chances with me are hopeless

He would have kicked you out by now had it not been for my recent fights with him

So trust when I say your future with him, on a daily basis, grows very dim

 

As for you being a mother to his kids

I’d advise you to get proof before putting that in writing

Your marriage ran into problems when he doubted they were his

When he found your sex messages and discovered how you’ve been lying

 

Oh yes Mother Theresa, I’m more than a distraction

He also confides in me much more than a fraction

So don’t feed me that BS about investing your time and effort

You practically made him a woman, with you wearing the pants and him- the skirt

 

You’re right that I’m not worth a fight

‘Cause with my black belt I’d make your ass into chop suey

As for your vows, that became null and void in hindsight

The minute you chose to have an affair with his friend, Louie

 

So dearest wife, I don’t think I’m better than you

And you’re also mistaken about me being the runner up p*$y

You see tomorrow will take me into the 6th month of my pregnancy

And you know what? We’ve agreed to give HER your name – Susie

 

*Up next, the response of the husband*

 



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