What They Didn’t Tell You About Sex – PART 2

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It will NOT be mind-blowing every time

Let’s say that you’re in a long term, steady relationship. You have no doubts about being in love with your partner and your connection with him, on a physical and mental level, is so organic that you are as close as it gets to being a match made in heaven. Despite your ups and downs you’re in it for the long haul. These are optimal conditions for a decent sex life, right? That doesn’t mean that every day you will be hitting cloud 9 or that you will have a sustained, mind-blowing sex life throughout the relationship. Be prepared for unknowingly getting into the routine of ‘doing it’ just because it’s what lovers do. As you become more accustomed to each other, your encounters in the bedroom will often be quick, unimaginative, uncreative and just borderline – pleasant. If you have children, you’d be fortunate the number of times you can have such encounters…………… per month. It’s not the end of the world but knowing this will help you manage expectations.

Sex cannot keep a man

Now I will give props to those women that have their game on point. When it comes to being a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed, you balance both sides of the coin beautifully. You may even have your man wondering how he was so lucky to land himself a ‘refined vixen’ as yourself. However, all the reality TV shows, celebrity gossip and real life scandals are testament to the fact that your stellar bedroom performance isn’t insurance against your man cheating or completely walking away from the relationship. Why, you may ask? It’s because while making love will last from a couple minutes to maybe (if you’re lucky) a few hours, for the remainder of the day, he has to be able to live with you or, at the very least, like your company. As for those men who are just chronic philanderers, regardless of what you do, his infidelity will always be a recurrent problem because that is what he is BENT ON DOING. You cannot change a person anymore than you can predict how long your relationship will last. This brings me to my next point.

Great sex is not the secret behind why a relationship lasts

Whoever credits their relationship’s survival to great sex is severely short-sighted, completely oblivious, putting up an intriguing facade or clearly lying. First of all, even if we may strive for the ideal of great sex always, this is clearly unattainable because we have other life issues to contend with. Furthermore, if you are lucky to do the impossible, great sex is still NOT so powerful an incentive that a cheater will be made faithful and a relationship – made whole. Great sex is not the source of happiness but it is likely to be the by-product of it. It is not love but a form of expressing it. When you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold the fort when you’re at your weakest, your strong tower and shield isn’t found between the sheets. A role model for your kids is not situated in the appendage swinging between your man’s legs. Your bills are not paid through your man’s impressive pelvis actions. Your household duties are not done with the help of bedroom antics and the foundations upon which a strong relationship is built does not rest in your earnest moans, groans and sexual rendezvous. Like everything else in this life, really solid relationships take hard work. Why do you think they say you should choose your partner wisely? If the animals do a decent job of choosing more resilient mates through just pure instincts, why can’t we do an even better job at the same task when we were born with both that and common sense?

Your partner is not responsible for your enjoyment of sex

You need to take personal responsibility for how much you enjoy sex. There is no unwritten rule to say that your partner, fling, one night stand etc. is required to make you happy while having sex. Moreover, no man is naturally gifted with the power to stroke you to the point of madness or make you quiver beyond control or have you ride on waves of unending orgasms. Even the person you love will have to learn how to make your body respond in kind. You are giving up a very precious gift during sex and that’s your body. If you are offering such an invaluable treasure, the least you can do is have sex on your terms and make it worth your while. Now with this in mind, you can’t just demand to be loved right because your partner is not Burger King where you can ‘Have it your way’. No, you need to have a bit of finesse about the whole affair but most importantly, you need to understand your body and know what you want. If he’s an attentive and understanding partner then that makes your job ten times easier. If he’s a bull in heat who has no regards for anyone except his own personal desire to be sexually satiated, you have no business with someone like that in bed nor in your life. Broaching the subject and giving cues in bed is not as embarrassing as personally not even having a clue as to what you find sexually satisfying. You will not learn that from the melodramatic actors in porn or hushed whispers from housewives or brash stories from friends. That requires a journey of self-discovery. Take the time to learn from yourself. Once you’ve learnt this much, put your knowledge to good use. I presume that you at least have a couple of years before arthritis, bad eyesight, high blood pressure and heart disease kicks in. Make good use of your time while you’re still pliable and limber.

This concludes Part 2 of this article. Hope it was a good read. Again, please like, comment and subscribe!

Special shout out to Sal, Pratyushbat and Spiritsunshine who took the time to subscribe to my blog. I appreciate it 😉



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